Around Mt ThomasAdam and Maggie are out on the road in the 4WD, monitoring the speed camera.
Adam: Gee it's quiet around here today.
Maggie: Adam don't ever say that.
The police radio suddenly crackles into life.VKC: VKC to Mt Thomas 307.
Maggie: (looks at Adam) That's why.
Around Mt Thomas(Wayne is really annoyed that Maggie's brother, Michael from Internal Investigations, is in town. Wayne doesn't like Michael and thinks that he's is out to get him.)
Maggie and Wayne are out on a main road, checking passing cars for the escaped prisoners.
Wayne: (to driver) Thank you. (The man drives off)
Maggie: You think that Michael's had it in for you ever since we left the academy.
Wayne: Isn't that obvious?
Maggie: You're paranoid Wayne.
Wayne: Oh am I.
The next car pulls up at the checkpoint. Maggie and Wayne are still bickering.Maggie: He didn't even know who you were back then.
Wayne: What about your Uncle Harold's barbecue wedding. Hey that was a nice...
Maggie: Yeah okay so he left your wife. (The driver is looking at her expectantly, and she remembers what she's supposed to be doing.) Would you mind popping the boot for me, we're looking for some prison escapees. Thank you. (The driver obeys, and Maggie and Wayne walk round to the back of the car, still looking daggers at each other.) He wouldn't come down here looking for you anyway. It's ridiculous.
Wayne: Is it. I know how the Doyles work, you all stick together. (He walks to the side of the car.) Sir, could you please unlock the back door for me. Thank you. (He opens the back door, does a quick search then stands up to face Maggie.) So when I dumped his precious little sister...
Maggie: Dumped me?! You never dumped me! God you're up yourself. (Wayne grins at her reaction)
Wayne: (to the driver) Thank you.
Maggie: (flustered) Thanks very much sir er, have a, a lovely day.
Wayne and Maggie walk back to the side of the road to wait for the next car.Maggie: Michael didn't even know you were with me then. "Dumped" me. I can't believe you.
Wayne: Well he made it pretty plain. And anyway, it was me that stopped calling you, remember?
Maggie: Yeah. I remember. I also remember that it was the best day of my life.
In the parkPJ and Maggie have to go undercover as lovers as bait for a bunch of crooks. Maggie is waiting on the bench in the local park for PJ, who arrives shortly in his disguise.
PJ: (throws out his arms) Tess my darling, my boombala, my baby, come to me.
Maggie laughs to herself and gets up and walks over to him.PJ: Come to me, my little shortcake, my little cream puff, my little piece of mmmmm... (he suddenly kisses her)
Maggie: (pushing him away) You kiss me again and I'll kill you.
PJ: Hey, my love, my love, a woman with *passion*.
Maggie glares at him. Shot cuts to a car driving up and parking near the bridge nearby, where Nick, Adam and Wayne are waiting.Nick: Carrot One to Carrot Two, red falcon approaching.
Shot cuts back to the park bench. Maggie is standing with her arms folded. PJ sits down across the bench.PJ: C'mon, sit on my lap.
PJ: C'mon, Mags, we're supposed to be playing lovers. Look, what do you think Tess and the jeweller come here for, for fishing? C'mon.
Maggie hesitates, then reluctantly sits down sideways across his lap.PJ: Oh what's, you know, what's this. Nobody is going to be convinced by this. You have to sit *across* me.
Maggie: (in disbelief) Across?
PJ: Across me. You know, like big ... (he grins) big sexy.
Maggie: You've got to be kidding.
PJ: Maggie, Joe Kenny could be watching us now. Will you just do it?
Maggie very reluctantly gets up, and then sits down on top of PJ again, this time straddling him.PJ: Aww God — gee!!! Aaahh!! What the — what is this?? What is this?
Maggie: My gun.
PJ: Well what's it doing there?
Maggie: (through gritted teeth) Well what do you suggest I do with it? Stick it between my teeth?! Besides, no-one's going to check me down there.
PJ: (grimaces) Ohh, well, I just hope the safety catch is on ... (grimaces again) 'cos Mama Hasham is gonna want to have grandkids. (He adjusts their position) Alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, that's better. Aaahh ... ahhh ... ohhh, that's good. (He smiles) That's real good. They should put this in the training manuals.
Maggie: Look, there's no time to be fooling around. And don't you try anything, you hear me?
PJ: No, no, I won't try anything. (Maggie is looking a bit uncomfortable, while PJ looks like he's liking his position.) Alright, kiss me.
Maggie: Forget it.
PJ: Maggie — will you kiss me?
Maggie: I said, forget it.
PJ: So what do you want, a handshake? We're supposed to be hot lovers, will you kiss me?
PJ: 'No'. Well I bet Tess doesn't play hard-to-get.
Maggie pauses for a moment and then suddenly kisses PJ passionately. PJ stares at her when they break apart.PJ: What the —? What are you doing?
Maggie: (smiles) Well, I'm just getting the character.
In the stationTom has to take care of the Neighbourhood Watch files that Maggie couldn't do because she's had to act as the police prosecutor for the day. Tom's on the phone, trying to get an extended deadline on the files.
Tom: Yeah well, when's this due exactly? ... Well, any chance of extending the deadline by 48 hours? Well, 24? (At this point, Nick comes in through the back door in the background.) Yeah, alright, alright, I'll get someone onto it. (In the background, Nick hears this and runs off into the kitchen area. Tom thinks he heard something and turns around but there's no-one there.) Ah no no no, that's alright.
Tom hangs up, takes the pile of files and goes into his office. Nick comes creeping out of the kitchen, goes to a desk and gets a book out of the drawer, then creeps back out the back door. Tom comes and looks out his office door, thinking he heard something, but there's nobody there. He must think he's starting to hear things in his old age!
In Tom's officeMaggie wants to ask PJ questions about the case brief, but he wants her to just present the case, not investigate it. Tom has a chat to PJ.
Tom: As Sergeant of this station, I've got a judgement to make and I'm going to make it. I want you to answer her questions.
PJ: (looks at him, then sighs) Bloody hell. Alright, 20 minutes and I'm outta here.
Tom: Thank you.
PJ: (goes to the door, then stops) All she had to do was what I told her.
Tom: How long have you know Doyle?
In the stationNick's just put a tablet in his glass of water, and he doesn't look too well. PJ was suspended the day before because Monica Draper suspected that he was involved in a robbery.
Maggie: Oh, you're a picture of good health.
Nick: Oh well you know. I only do it on special occasions ... weddings, parties, funerals, laying down criminal charges against colleagues...
In the stationOn Maggie's request, Pat Doyle has helped to clear PJ's name. Pat is now about to leave the station, and Maggie is busy on the phone.
PJ: Pat. I er ... didn't get the chance to buy you a drink.
Pat: Don't worry, I'll make sure you get it.
PJ: Yeah well ... thanks for everything.
Pat: It's alright, I didn't do it for you. (He pauses) You just make sure you look after my little girl, alright?
PJ: Don't worry, I will.
Pat: And don't get any funny ideas ... otherwise I'll knock your block off.
PJ smiles as Pat walks off.
In the stationClancy has found a stray dog and has taken it into the station. Tom says that he should take it to the RSPCA, and tells Nick to take him there. Monica Draper is in the station on a current investigation.
Nick: Come on, mate, let's give the bloke a lift, shall we?
Monica: (looks across the station at them) Bloke's a bitch, by the way.
Nick: (muttering to Clancy) Takes one to know one, Monica.
Near the watch-houseClancy has kept the dog because the RSPCA shelters were overcrowded, and he's put the dog into a shed outside the watch-house. The dog's just had a litter, and all the Heelers, plus Monica Draper, are crowding around the little shed, gazing at the adorable newborn puppies.
Monica: Have you decided on a name for the dog yet Clancy?
Clancy: Yeah, "Monica", and she's a bitch!
All the Heelers laugh and glance at each other with a grin.Monica: (to Nick) Your idea of a joke, Senior?
Nick: Oh, it's nothing to do with me, Senior Sergeant, nothing at all.