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TV Bloopers

In the blooper segments, the names of the actors (rather than the characters) are used.  Hope this isn't confusing!

Note that the sound files have been zipped up (i.e. they're zip files), so you'll need something like StuffIt Expander or Winzip to unzip them.


'All Time Greatest Bloopers' (1998)

With Belinda Emmett and Tasma Walton
 
Belinda: Now you only have to look at your TV guide to see how much we all love police shows.   There's been Homicide, Cop Shop, and now Australia's number one police drama, Blue Heelers.   And joining us now, direct from Mt Thomas, would you please welcome Constable Dash McKinley herself, the lovely Tasma Walton!

(Audience cheers)

Belinda: Now Tasma, congratulations on the success of Blue Heelers.
Tasma: Thank you.
Belinda: And I have to say, I know everyone's been going on about it, but the hair — tell us about the storyline.
Tasma: The hair, I'd better show you the hair.   (Takes off her hat to reveal her shaved head)  Which there's not much left of it actually.
Belinda: Oh, you look gorgeous.
Tasma: Oh thank you!  This has come about mainly because of my character that I play, Dash, ahh is battling Hodgkin's Disease, which is a form of lymphatic cancer.   And so consequently as an actor I have to take all the hair off, in the middle of winter.
Belinda: And it's a, it's a pretty serious kind of storyline, but um, I mean you guys have a few laughs, kind of, behind the scenes.
Tasma: We certainly do.   Especially when you've got people like William McInnes and Martin Sacks, they always hide in cupboards and then they jump out at anyone who's walking by unsuspectingly.  (Laughs)  So it's a bit of fun.
Belinda: And not everything always goes er, to plan as regards to like, the script, really, does it.
Tasma: The script can get you into trouble.   There's a lot of police jargon, and that can sometimes get you into trouble.   I think on the next clip, Martin Sacks who plays PJ, has to say, "open a cans of worm".  A can of worms.  (Laughs)  I can't even say it myself.   But it doesn't come out that way apparently.
Belinda: Ah well, let's take a look.
* * * Cut to blooper clip * * *
[ From 'Buckley's Chance' ]   [ Hear this blooper! ]
Tom, PJ and Maggie are sitting in Tom's office.   (They're all looking pretty solemn.)

John: It'll break Jack's heart you know.
Martin: You open up a can, and they find their way out...

He starts laughing, and Lisa cracks up!

Martin: Sorry.  Sorry, do it properly.
 

- Take 2! -

John: That farm's been Jack's whole life.
Lisa: Well, Steven wants to move to the city.  He's had enough.
John: It'll break Jack's heart you know.
Martin: Well he's the one who reported the chicken stolen.  Look, you open up a can,  (Lisa's trying not to grin)  the worm's going to find the way out.

Lisa and John burst into laughter.

(Voice from off-screen)  There was nothing wrong with that!
John: (laughing)  That was beautiful!  It was lovely!
Martin: (grinning)  Well I was okay!

John's still laughing, and he's pointing to Lisa, who's laughing uncontrollably!

Martin: I was good!  It was just my, fellow thesps!
* * * Cut back to studio * * *
Belinda: I think we know what he means.
Tasma: Yeah... (laughs)
Belinda: Now, playing a police person, that must get fairly physical.
Tasma: It gets very physical, and you'd expect people that impersonate police officers would be quite fit and healthy, but unfortunately with our crew, we're not very fit or healthy at all, and so we get into a bit of trouble sometimes.
Belinda: Ahh, but Lisa, she's kinda usually in the thick of it all.
Tasma: Well, Maggie Doyle gets a bit of action, yeah.
Belinda: Yes.  Well, let's see Lisa in action.
* * * Cut to blooper clip * * *
[ From 'Once Only Withdrawl' ]   [ Hear this blooper! ]
Maggie is grappling in the dirt with a woman (Radha Mitchell) who's holding a gun.

Lisa: Get off me!!  Drop it!!  I told you to drop it!!

The other woman yells and doesn't let go of the gun.

Lisa: Drop it!!  (Lisa slaps the woman across the face)  I told you to drop it!!

Lisa pauses then suddenly raises her hand and shakes it.

Lisa: (starts laughing)  Ohh my wrist.
* * Cut to another clip * *

Maggie is chasing after Clancy.

Lisa: Clancy it's me!

Lisa sudden runs into Damian as he comes out a side route.   She pushes herself off him and continues to run.

Lisa: (to Damian)  Well come on!

They both start off after Clancy, but Lisa suddenly slips and falls flat on her face!  Damian turns around as Lisa looks up and starts laughing.

* * * Cut back to studio * * *
Belinda: Now Tasma, we're not letting you off lightly.
Tasma: So I've heard.  
Belinda: Yes, now we've got a lovely little clip of you, having a bit of trouble with a prop.
Tasma: Now props, you see props can be your best friend or they can be your worst enemy, and er, especially for me, because I can sometimes be a little uncoordinated, especially when things are being thrown at you.  (Laughs)
Belinda: Well let's take a look.
* * * Cut to blooper clip * * *
[ From 'There Last Night' ]   [ Hear this blooper! ]

The Heelers are in the station.  Tom's about to grab the keys from the key rack, and Nick's reading the train timetable.

(Director, off-screen): Action.

John grabs the keys and tosses them to Tasma.

John: I don't want you anywhere near that train.

Tasma tries to catch the keys but misses.   She grins and Damian picks them up.

William: Ah, you'd better hurry up.   The next St Davids train...

William trails off as everyone stops to do the re-take.

 
- Take 2! -

(Off screen): And ... action.

John grabs the keys and tosses them to Tasma.

John: I don't want you anywhere near that train.

Tasma misses the keys again.

William: Ah, you'd better ... catch those keys.
 
- Take 3! -

(Off screen): And ... action.

John grabs the keys but he can't get them off the hook!  He starts laughing and slumps his head against the wall.

John: Ohhhhh...
* * Cut to another clip * *

PJ's about to open a toolbox at a crime scene but the tip of his right glove is stuck under the lid.

Martin: Mate, can we go again, we've a bit of a problem.
* * Cut to another clip * *
[ From 'The Civil Dead' ]   [ Hear this blooper! ]

PJ and Nick are about to leave the Imperial.

William: Mate!  Mate mate mate mate mate mate mate, you're coming home with me.
Martin: Nick, no offence, but I have had better offers, thanks.
William: You're getting fussy are you?  I'll make it easy for you.  Clean bath towels, free feed of Chinese, and *you* mate, *you* can have the plastic fork, I'll have the chopsticks.
Martin: Nicholas, how could I refuse.
William: There you go, I didn't think you could.

Martin turns the handle on the door but it's stuck.  He starts rattling the handle but nothing happens.  William grins at the camera.

Martin: I'm staying.
* * * Cut back to studio * * *
Belinda: Well Tasma, thank you so much for coming along.
Tasma: A pleasure.
Belinda: It's been lovely having you on the show.
Tasma: Thank you.
Belinda: And best of luck with everything in the future.
Tasma: Thank you.
Belinda: Everybody, put your hands together for Tasma Walton!

(Audience cheers)

 

'All Time Greatest Bloopers' (1998)

 
[ Hear this blooper! ]
 

Clancy (Michael Isaacs) has opened a tin of dog food for his dog, Monica.

Michael: Good dtucker, Monica.  Look!  (He spoons some out and takes a mouthful)
Lisa: Clancy don't eat that!
Michael: I'm not doing anydink bad, Dardant Cwoydon.  (Looks up)  I mean, dah, Condable Doyle.

Michael starts laughing and Lisa cracks up!


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